This Has Been Another Useless Fact….

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted but I’ve been on vacation with my husband and the weeks leading up to it were incredibly busy.  Now that we’re back though and I’ve had some time to readjust to the time change (ok I’ve really only had one day…so be kind!) I needed to share some things that I’ve recently discovered about my wonderfully geeky husband. 

I’ve always known that his brain has been filled with useless information that the average person would immediately forget upon hearing.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s great to have around if you want to play Trivial Pursuit (if you’re on his team at least…) but sometimes I’m baffled as to why ANYONE would want to/could possibly remember the things he does.  I do love his intellect, it’s one of the major things that drew me to him but this goes beyond intelligence into the territory of craziness.  I must admit-on occasion I have probably tuned out a little when he goes on one of his fact spouting sprees.  I often wonder when he’ll ever use some of the things he pulls out of his head or shares with me… (unless he plans to go on Jeopardy.)

Well….that is until this vacation.

For those of you that have never cruised before, let me tell you a few things.  Firstly, cruises bring together people of all different nationalities and backgrounds-our cruise had guests and staff from over 77 countries (I think….I can’t quite remember the number-but I’ll be my husband does….)  Secondly, cruisers tend to be between the ages of 45-75.  This creates an interesting atmosphere but can create some small issues; one of these being dinner conversation. 

Most nights we were seated at tables of 8 with other couples. Generally speaking, we were always the youngest people at said tables.  Now in most cases I wouldn’t call myself a social butterfly of any sort.  This isn’t to say that I’m socially inept, but I don’t generally go out of my way to talk to people-especially strangers.  In fact 9 times out of 10 if I see someone I know while out in public, unless I’m very good friends with them, I’ll duck down another aisle or slip into another building or hide behind a clothing rack.  It isn’t even that I don’t like these people (if you’ve seen me doing this please don’t be offended!!) It’s just that I get this urge to hide.  Maybe I’ve got some social anxiety issues…..in any case this is how I am despite the fact that I would consider myself a well spoken intelligent person.  Needless to say, I am not the type to suggest topics for conversation when among strangers with whom on the surface I would seem to have very little in common with.

But this is where my husband blew me away.  Regardless of whom we sat with and what the topic, he seemed to have something to say about it.  He discussed astronomy with some astrophysicists; he talked cars with a British couple, nuclear energy with Americans and economics with Australians.  He was always able to pull out some sort of interesting fact that contributed and enhanced the conversations he was having and helped give me the confidence to chime in. By the end of the cruise we’d made some friends having sat with some of the same people regularly although in some cases these people were old enough to be our parents or grandparents. 

I suppose this brings me to several conclusions.  Age really doesn’t make a difference when it comes to relationships (except of course in the cases where it’s a love based relationship and it’s illegal because those laws are there for a reason!)  Secondly, there is really no such thing as useless knowledge because you never know when it might be useful.  Thirdly, I am, on occasion wrong. Not often though Honey so don’t get your hopes up.

Mr. Clean...ish?

In this crazy mixed up world of ours I have come to discover that like beauty, cleanliness is in the eye of the beholder.  I was raised in a house that was never the museum type-although I heard of them; these people that lived in homes that had rooms that were almost never used, plastic on the furniture, not a single footprint indentation in the carpet. The idea kind of creeps me out honestly.

 We cleaned our house religiously every Saturday-because what kid wants to go have fun on the weekend?  Not us apparently….. My brother and I had assigned jobs, although it seems to me that mine were really the only ones that got done.  I would dust, clean the small bathroom on the main level and of course clean my room.  I also helped with the vacuuming and occasionally the gardening or whatever else was in urgent need of doing including the yearly cleaning of the crystal glasses that for the most part were only touched during the cleaning process. I guess we had a mini museum of our own come to think of it.

In turn, I think this has given me the habits to keep the apartment my husband and I live in fairly well ordered.  I wouldn’t eat off the floor or anything, but for the most part it’s clean.  If things get too cluttered or if I see visible dirt, it gets cleaned and I feel pretty confident about the level of cleanliness I maintain in my home. That is until I visit some of our friends homes which range from condemnable to does anyone even live here?  Both however give me the same feeling-that I need to go home and clean asap. You would think a disastrous home would have the opposite effect but somehow seeing the grime just makes me more aware of my own. 

My husband’s take on cleaning is a little different than my own.  Although lately he’s been making a valiant effort to help out more, he claims (and I believe him) that he just doesn’t see it when things need cleaning.  I’ve read reports that men tend to look at the big picture and not see the details as much.  http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2009/07/31/2641922.htm 

He’s happy with things as long as they appear clean and neat-and while, like me, he doesn’t need things perfect, I tend to be a little fussier and get annoyed when he doesn’t see the mess that I see in front of me. I have to say though-he never really complains if I ask him to do something-unless it’s the dishes-but I’ve still been wishing that he’d take a more active role in helping out.

Well, imagine my surprise then when the other day he’s sitting on the netbook and I ask him what he’s looking up-and he says cleaning solution?!  I wondered if this was something to do with his recent efforts to help out more with chores without me having to ask him. I also wondered momentarily if my true husband had been abducted by aliens.  Alas, I was mistaken. (About his desire to help clean more, not about the alien thing….which would make me sad, not happy….but I digress…)  Apparently he needed a specific cleaning solution to remove the paint from some of his Warhammer miniatures which he wanted to paint in a different team colour. Apparently it really matters.  So now at home we have some new cleaning solution…of course not for regular household cleaning usage.   I guess I really shouldn’t have been that surprised.  This all comes with the being married to a geek territory.

I haven’t given up hope though-this morning he swept the front entrance way without so much as a glance from me.  Maybe I should count my blessings.   

A Man With A Plan-Or Not?

5 weeks…..5 long weeks to get through before my husband and I go on the vacation of our lives.  Of course 5 weeks is relatively short considering we booked this back in December.  Back in November I was the very lucky winner of an online contest that allowed me to book this amazing two week vacation with my husband to Mediterranean Europe-I’ve been planning ever since.

Some people are planners and some people aren’t.  It’s a fact of life.  I’m not just a planner though…I’m a hyper-organized, type A, fearful of the unknown type that prefers to know what’s on the menu a month in advance and what I’ll be doing two months from today.  I made colour coordinated schedules for our wedding to hand out to everyone involved which mapped out the best case scenario or everything going according to plan. It didn’t.  We actually ran a little early and had time for a break between taking pictures and the reception.  Our hour long scheduled meeting with the DJ turned into a 5 minute consultation because I’d already put together a list of everything we wanted and didn’t want played.  While my husband was involved with the main ideas and the big picture-I was the one who insisted that we have a bridal emergency kit in the car with everything from Band-Aids to static guard for all of those embarrassing cling type fiascos. And you know what? Even though I didn’t have a wedding planner everything went very well, and I was able to enjoy the day entirely relaxed knowing that if anything happened it was either something I could fix or it was out of my control.   

My husband is a procrastinator-but he’s made some progress since we’ve been together.  I don’t know how many all nighters he pulled trying to finish essays when he was in school.  At one point, before we were dating, I remember standing behind him as he wrote his essay making sure he stayed focused on the task at hand.  I didn’t know how he could work like that….(not with me standing behind him….but leaving everything to the last minute…) 

Getting ready for this vacation though it suddenly hit me; video games have been teaching him for years that he doesn’t need to plan ahead at all.  There are three main ideas behind my theory:

1.       The crazy and unexpected is the norm-how can you plan for it? Why bother!

2.       Everything you need will likely show up eventually-No need to worry.

3.       If things go terribly wrong you can always go back to your save point and try again

As early on as the late 1970’s with Space Invaders, video games have been tackling fantastical beliefs that the unexpected will happen.  Clearly, one cannot without looking at the very least tad eccentric remotely prepare for these circumstances.  I mean sure you could secretly dig a bunker and stockpile supplies in case of aliens or zombies or giant mutant bugs but people might be more inclined to think you’ve flipped your lid or are trying to cover up a despicable crime of sorts.  In video games, you’re rarely given time to prepare for the fact that a giant turtle like dictator with his bizarre minions could potentially be planning to steal the princess. And why would you? It’s so fantastical that it couldn’t possibly happen-until it does.  As a side note: Mario-you should probably be catching on now that the princess needs some kind of a security detail.

In video games, if you need an item, it will inevitably show up.  In games like King’s Quest, you go from person to person and place to place acquiring items either through finding them or doing tasks for people.  You will never be asked for something that isn’t available in the game-that would be absurd! In shoot ‘em up type games there usually seems to be an unending supply of guns and ammunition. And not to worry! If  you find yourself injured or fatigued you can usually find health in the form of food, first aid kits, pills, mushrooms and magical elixirs not too far by.  These items are just lying around for the taking in many cases, sometimes you have to find them or resort to criminal activity and steal them-sometimes described as danger pay.  Video game heroes need never be prepared!

Finally if the worst case scenario happens and you wind up succumbing to the virus when if you’d been prepared you could have been hiding in your bunker, or falling in the lava pit instead of having some rope available to tie yourself off in case of a fall or being shot through the heart when you could have had a bullet proof vest fear not! Simply return to your previous save point and try again! Rare is the video game that doesn’t allow for a second shot!

So, my dear husband, I understand why you might not feel the need to be buying rain ponchos in case it decides to rain while we take in the forum-I know you’ll appreciate them when I magically produce them from my purse.  I know you’d rather spend the time I spend putting together a first aid kit killing mutants on your console.  I can’t heal you in the game but I’ll be there to band-aid your blister.  I know not all gamers are anti-planning…but I do see why they might be. 

Do Geeks Dream of Androids Dreaming of Electric Sheep?

For as long as I can remember, I have had the most messed up dreams imaginable-out of ANYONE I know.  While parts of my dreams do come from things I was thinking about the night before, work, movies I’ve watched  or  potential worries that I have, for the most part, I can’t make heads or tails out of the things my brain comes up with.  Not only that but my dreams are so vivid, it isn’t uncommon for me to create original soundtracks, written works and entire speeches in my dreams.  I dream in full colour and experience each and every one of my senses when I sleep.  A lot of the time, I wake up even less rested than when I went to sleep because my brain goes into overdrive creating these crazy experiences for me. 

Two nights ago for instance, I dreamed I was riding a bicycle down a hilly road when I ran into (not literally) one of my husband’s friends.  He proceeded to turn into a turtle, a fluffy white rabbit that walked on his hind legs and finally a baby.  I then had to try to piggy back him while riding on the bicycle but he must have been covered in baby oil or something because he was so slippery.  And of course-even though he was still fully conscious of being a 20-something grown adult, he would not hold still because he thought the whole thing was hilarious and kept laughing at me.  Now let me tell you I do not have children of my own and do not own a bicycle, rabbit or a turtle.  To me the whole thing makes about as much sense as Princess Peach feigning surprise that she’s being kidnapped yet again by Bowser. Of course Freud might have some theories but I’d rather not venture down that particular path.

My husband however, does not have this problem. I can’t remember the last time he told me that he remembered what he dreamed.  When I inevitably wake up at night-which I do normally at least once either from his moving/snoring, my peculiar dreams or our puppy whimpering in her own dreams, I look over at him and he’s happily snoring away.  On occasion, I’ve heard him mutter a few things, once about some starfish which seemed to be attacking him which I’ll admit made me laugh quite a bit, last night he was even laughing a little bit, but I never get to hear about his dreams outside of these utterances.

Of course since we’ve been married, his geeky ways have started to infiltrate my nighttime escapades.  On several occasions I’ve been part of the zombie apocalypse, trying to save myself from getting infected-or-giving in and joining the hoard.  Let me tell you in all my own zombie loving years-I never had a zombie dream before I was married.  I’ve also had dreams where I’m attacking aliens a la Halo Reach and dreams where I turned into a D&D gamer and spent the night rolling  the dice to beat back the oncoming goblins and otherworldly creatures. I don’t think I told my husband about that one-one girl’s nightmare is another man’s dream after all.

I’m hoping that one day my husband will be able to share his dreams with me.  I wonder if they will offer any insight into his hopes and desires for the future…although, in the same way, I sure hope he doesn’t try to read too much into my dreams.  I’m not really looking for a shape-shifting child and I really don’t harbor any desire for an alien invasion or an apocalypse of any sort-nor am I ready to take up the dice and join in on the weekly D&D game.  But I really would like to know; do geeks dream of androids dreaming of electric sheep?

Thank Goodness for Zombies!

Earlier this week the power went out at work, and naturally my first thought was-maybe it’s the zombie apocalypse-of course this made me question if my first thought was really natural-perhaps not so much.  It could have been that on the way into work my husband and I heard about someone having hacked into those light up road signs and warning people that there were zombies ahead (something my husband thought was really cool and thought it would be fun to do until I pointed out the illegality of it….) but I think that this would have been my first thought regardless.

Now I don’t really believe that the zombie apocalypse is really a problem I need to prepare for (or do I?)  but I’ve had an unnaturally curious interest in zombies since I was a little girl, before I even really grasped what zombies were. Marrying my husband has only served to increase it.  I remember at the tender age of four my uncle sat me down to watch my first zombie movie.  You can be assured that my mother had no knowledge of this and I, who was prone to nightmares, should have spent the night screaming-but I didn’t.  I was entranced.

Throughout the years I have spent many an hour watching zombie movies.  Romero is still probably my favourite director but the 28 days/weeks saga was also amazing.  They actually accomplished something the Romero movies were never able to do-they made me jumpy for a good few days. Of course I can’t forget to give props to Peter Jackson’s death by lawn mower scene….that one is truly a classic.  But, it wasn’t until university that I realized that zombies were more than just pure entertainment or a commentary on our mindless sheep-like consumerist society.  Zombies had a purpose.

Watching zombie movies with my husband’s housemates, before my husband and I were dating, I found myself surrounded my zombie enthusiasts discussing things that I had never thought about before.  Was this room defendable? Yes and no-the house my husband lived in back in those days, while it had its charms, should have been properly condemned for poor upkeep and housecleaning. The zombies, if they had any good sense (which typically zombies lack), would have avoided it like the plague (pun totally intended) but it had large windows….and was missing a window pane for a large period of time.....and probably would have collapsed should a zombie hoard try to lean on the house too hard. 

Should zombies have attacked, what was the best available weapon?  While the sword to person ratio in that household was unnaturally high, I knew perfectly well that unless I wanted to become the screaming defenseless  girl in the movie, I’d need to wield something a bit lighter. And while at one point we did find some unspent amo rounds, there was a serious lack of guns. (I should put a disclaimer in here for my husband should he read this that NO, you still can’t store your hunting rifles in our apartment…not that you have any yet….and not that you’d do so before we got proper gun storage-I know how prudent you are with all of that…..) Even still, I knew that should zombies start walking the streets, this would be the house I would want to be in.  The sheer amount of zombie knowledge and the amount of time these guys (and girls) had spent mentally preparing for this occurrence was amazing. No matter what they were faced with-typical slow movie zombies, the more terrifying running zombies, zombies brought about by aliens, disease, radiation-these guys would know how to handle things.

You see, zombies seemed to provide a bonding experience for these guys.  Thinking about them, studying them and planning for them was a common ground for these geeks of different varieties.  The gamer geek, the D&D geek, the movie geek and the comic book geek could all relate to zombies because they existed in each of their favoured mediums. In a zombie apocalypse, just like in a D&D game, these average geeks could become heroes among men even though both scenarios were entirely fictional. 

Lately though zombies have taken on yet another purpose in my life.  When my husband has a bad day at work or if he’s just not feeling like his usual self, zombies have become an outlet for him.  All he has to do is turn on his Xbox and there he is, in the zombie apocalypse.  Here, he is able to take out his frustrations by using an entire armoury of weapons from shot guns to machine guns to pipe bombs to destroy the enemy-an enemy we can all get behind killing because despite some recent defense for zombies, we all know that if someone who looked like a walking corpse came at you, moaning for your brains, you’d go for the head shot. Somehow, after this mindless killing spree, my husband can put a smile back on his face and life goes back to normal.  I can get behind almost anything that makes him so happy.

Thank goodness for zombies. 

‘I can’t get enough of your love babe”

I’m a geek’s wife but sometimes I’m just a regular wife-today is one of those days.  This isn’t to say that my husband is any less geeky today as he was yesterday, it’s just that right now he’s sick and when you’re sick these things tend to be put momentarily aside. After days of coughing and hacking I convinced my invincible husband to take a sick day and recover.  This isn’t actually what I wanted him to do.

I’ve been trying to get him to go see a doctor for a few days now with little luck.  I think he sounds a lot like he’s got bronchitis-mostly because the last time he had bronchitis he started to sound a lot like Barry White and when I woke up this morning I thought I was in bed with another man.  To prove my point even further, he tried singing a Barry White song and his singing voice was actually good.  This is a sure sign that something is not right with him. Normally his singing voice is enough to make our dog run for cover-ok maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but……let’s just say he didn’t win me over with his singing….or dancing for that matter but that’s another story for another time.

The funny thing is, when I’m sick my husband will be the first to say that I need to go to a doctor.  He has a very healthy relationship with doctors, having needed to see lots of them for various reasons through his life.  I on the other hand don’t like doctors very much.  Not having a family doctor nearby for a long period of time might have had something to do with it.

I “fondly” remember going to the ER on a few occasions only to have things be made worse.  The first time was during exam period in my first year of university when I was so sick with the flu that my Don called a cab for me and sent me to the hospital. Here they continued to make me wait for a million hours, conducted a flu test on me and sent me home. If you have never had a flu test and you’d like to experience it for yourself let me describe the process. Take a really long cotton swab, shove it up your nose and into the back of your throat.  Now if that doesn’t make you feel better when you already feel like dying I don’t know what will.  They also proceeded to track me down two weeks later to tell me that I did indeed have the flu-in case I didn’t know already. The second experience happened in the same ER where a doctor basically accused me of faking my symptoms.  I’m not sure why he thought I might do this because antibiotics really don’t have the same effects or street value that some other things I might try to get would.  Not only that but who doesn’t love sitting around in the waiting room just for fun?

So after telling my husband on multiple occasions that he should go to the doctor I went in for the jugular-I called his mom.  Of course he neglected to tell her that he’d been hacking for days and that he was so exhausted he nearly fell asleep standing at the bathroom sink.  And even though his mom recommended going to the doctor (after I had filled her in on the information her son had felt wasn’t relevant) he still refused to go.

So I’ll take my mini victory in his sick day.  Hopefully I’m wrong and tomorrow he’ll wake up refreshed and feeling fine and he’ll go back to work.  If not, he’s going to the doctor.

 

“Roll the dice to see if I’m getting drunk”

This Thursday D&D night at our place has been cancelled….. *gasp*….. in lieu of celebrating everyone’s favourite March holiday, St. Patrick’s Day.  While I’m not a fan of beer personally, especially when it’s been turned the colour of Slimer the friendly ghost, and I haven’t an ounce of Irish blood in my body, I will probably tag along to whatever beer serving venue is chosen by the brave adventurers that normally come over to our place to share the merriment-if only to be the DD. (Note geeks I said DD not D&D-just to clarify) 

Drinking, or pretending to drink at least, has deep roots in the geek culture so I’ve discovered. This isn’t to say all geeks are hard core drinkers or that they drink at all for that matter but  as often as not, new D&D games tend to begin in a tavern or sorts in some unknown town where the characters all happen to be enjoying a pint of their favourite goblin ale. That is until some sort of mayhem happens to break out causing them to meet and join up on their other-worldly adventure. There is even an entire geek board game called The Red Dragon Inn where D&D type characters spend their time trying to out-gamble and drink one another. Might I add that no actual drinking is involved with this-although I suppose the game could be adapted into a more traditional drinking game although, probably with some not-so-good results.

Although sometimes in D&D I’ve seen things take an entirely different stance with regards to imbibing. After one particularly “spirited” gaming session my husband was DMing (Dungeon Mastering-AKA-running the game) he imposed a strict drink limit on his fellow gamers to make sure the game ran smoother in the future.  D&D requires one to be fully aware of what is going on and it requires some basic math skills, at least the ability to add the dice up, add and subtract etc.  I assume, having never really played, that being tipsy does not aid in this-especially when one is a math-a-phobe like me.

But drinking or “drinking” isn’t the only thing geeks and St. Patrick’s Day has in common. Where else but in a game of D&D can one actually find a leprechaun? (Aside from Ireland and bad horror movies from the 80’s of course…) For those looking to find a leprechaun this week, my husband’s monster manual states that you should look in temperate forests and plains unlike the end of the rainbow myth we’ve all been clearly mislead by. They also tend to flee rather than seek combat and are unlikely to give up their gold.  That’s too bad because I’m sure that would help with the bar tab Thursday night.

Have a very safe and geeky St. Patrick’s Day everyone-whether you DD or D&D .